Holy Crap

This was littlest’s dress rehearsal for next week. 

Big school and tears to follow.

Holy Crap

This was littlest’s dress rehearsal for next week.

Big school and tears to follow.

10

Sad

My god I feel crushed.

Fourth cycle now that Aunt Flo has made an unwelcome appearance. I always said that I didn’t want to try to conceive too late into my thirties because it would be harder but I didn’t realise that it actually WOULD be harder.

We conceived littlest on the first go and that, I think, has left me with unrealistic expectations. But things are different now, I’m five years older and three stone heavier for a start. I’m also on antidepressants and don’t have the greatest quality of sleep despite always being tired. Yet every month I’m certain that it will be the month that it happens, and this month more than ever before.

Due to my age, I’ve been charting to make sure we are doing the right things at the right time and that is a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because I feel comforted to have an insight into what my body is doing and that things are behaving as expected. It’s a curse because if the signs start to point towards my monthly nemesis at the end of each cycle, I go through a few days of desperately hoping and wishing that the little red witch is going to take her broomstick elsewhere at last.

I know four cycles is not a lot, but when you want another child so desperately, every week feels like a month. I’m often told, “don’t worry it will happen” and I’m sure it will. I just want it to happen now.

16

Wednesday: About Me Day

Tagged by: lovingmylense

Until littlest was born, I was a hardcore career girl. I never realised how quickly becoming a mother would make that irrelevant and unimportant.

I miss yoga. When I was single, I’d practice daily and even trained to be a teacher. It was a beautiful thing for my mind and body. Now, no matter how hard I try I cannot find the motivation to make my way back to the mat but I still live with the conviction that one day I will.

I detest the fact that I am the same weight now as when I gave birth but I detest myself more for not being able to find the willpower to do anything about it. Some days I feel as though the clock has wound down and I can’t reach the key. On those days, only littlest can keep me present and active.

I feel truly blessed to have the family in my life that I do, both mine and would-be husband’s. I love my entire family, immediate, extended, in-laws, step, by marriage, the whole kit and caboodle, and I am grateful every day for the wonderful hearts that I am surrounded by.

My 38th birthday came and went last week. I don’t mind admitting I’m terrified of 40. I can’t get my head around the fact that I am halfway through my life already.

9

Happy Heart

I am tired, aching and covered in dried sand and sea salt, but I am so so happy.

Today littlest and I surprised my best friend by waiting at the beach where she, her fella and their gorgeous puppy dog were heading. Me and my girl haven’t seen each other for about two and a half years, but we so keep closely in touch, life and distance just conspire to keep us apart.

It was so very good to see her and so very difficult to leave again but we had a great day. Whilst waiting for my girl and her fella to arrive, littlest and I occupied ourselves by investigating rock pools and playing in the water. As usual, littlest couldn’t resist plunging himself butt first into the sea (thankfully I had dry clothes for him this time) and then the little monkey thought it would be brilliant to hurl wet sand at me. So I threw wet seaweed right back!

I’m too tired to write more, but I can’t stop smiling. Today was a very, very good day.

17

Lucky Girl

Today is my birthday.

Can you guess how old I am today? As old as I feel, that’s for sure!

I’ve had a smashing day and have been given wonderful gifts. Would-be husband bought me the most beautiful new winter coat and two birthday cakes (he knows me so well), I got two lovely ornaments chosen by littlest from him and the stepson and so many Lush products from my mum, sister and best friend. I adore Lush cosmetics, but stopped being able to afford it years ago. It has made me so happy to have that delicious scent in my house again and to not have to ration by products!!

I was also lucky enough to receive birthday money from my nan and father in-law and my mother in-law treated me to a gorgeous linen top.

I feel so blessed. Littlest and I shared a Lush bath this evening and it’s sleepover night tonight. I’m going to be a very happy, and very lucky, girl.

17
Rumour has it that Disney are combining two of their biggest franchises. 

No?  Just in our house then.

Rumour has it that Disney are combining two of their biggest franchises.

No? Just in our house then.

5
Empty cardboard box?  Nope!  An awesome flying robot suit!

Empty cardboard box? Nope! An awesome flying robot suit!

10
Fine Art

This is a picture, drawn by littlest.  It’s a picture of his daddy and he even added ‘whiskers’!  

What I’m most thrilled about, though, is that it is the first time I’ve ever seen him draw a face.  

So proud.

Fine Art

This is a picture, drawn by littlest. It’s a picture of his daddy and he even added ‘whiskers’!

What I’m most thrilled about, though, is that it is the first time I’ve ever seen him draw a face.

So proud.

10
My latest project. 

I LOVE this!  This pineapple baby hat is as much fun to knit as it is to see finished.

If you’d like one, please visit https://www.facebook.com/pages/Knitty-Gritty/706661189413686 and leave a PM.

My latest project.

I LOVE this! This pineapple baby hat is as much fun to knit as it is to see finished.

If you’d like one, please visit https://www.facebook.com/pages/Knitty-Gritty/706661189413686 and leave a PM.
9